I can't believe we've made it around the horn to May 27th again. Last year, it seemed like the day would simply not come fast enough. This year, it seems to have ambushed me. Caught me unaware.
Last Memorial Day, I woke eager to finally marry (and kiss) my soon to be husband. I'll never forget the moment when I first saw Greg that day when I had my dress on and makeup done. I walked out of the house I had grown up in to meet the man who I would journey through the next phase of my life with. That moment was special. But, I remember grabbing ahold of my Daddio's arm, walking out onto the back deck, and looking down the yard to my new protector. Partner. Encourager. Supporter. And leader. That was unreal.
I've heard many married couples say that they would never go back to their wedding day again to redo it. But, I would. That day was one of the best days of my life. The happiest. Most stress free. It was shear perfection.
I think it would be foolish to paint a picture of only happiness with the end of this first year of marriage. While I do believe that God made Greg just for me, and that marriage is one of the best things to ever happen to me, it hasn't been all fun and games.
A month after we got married, I got mono. I was sluggish with hives for a month, and then tired all the time for the next 3-4 months. Greg was a trooper. He was selflessly showing me love without question. It was incredibly hard for me, a very active and energetic person, to resign myself to the fact that I physically couldn't do what I wanted to.
After the bout with mono, I had a month of respite. Then, I began to battle anxiety. Like, every moment of every day was a fight in my mind about what was true. My stomach got turned into knots, I felt nauseas, and I was once again always exhausted.
I don't say these things for pity (or, at least I hope not), but I say them in thanks. I could not have gone through the past year with the amount of hope I did without my amazing husband. God used him in some powerful, but difficult times to teach me in an entirely new and personal way. My sin was laid bare and raw before my husband, and it made me feel ashamed. But, he didn't change his actions and love towards me. He looked for new ways to show me that he wasn't going anywhere. He was there for the long haul.
In the same way, when my sin is undisguised before the Lord, he does not neglect me. He does not turn away ashamed of his daughter. He begs me to repent, and offers his loving arms as an embrace.
This year has been tough, but boy has it been an adventure. Exploring new things. Learning afresh about our Savior. Growing into different people. Chipping away at our selfish hearts. It has been a beautiful process.
Greg, I wouldn't change anything that's happened this last year. This year, I want to learn how to love you like how you have loved me this past year. You are my one and only.
(last night, we went out to Fogo de Chao for dinner. when we arrived back at our apt. I made him wait for me as I went to grab my camera and a tripod. and, boy am I happy that he was patient with me. these are photos I think I will always cherish)
Also. Please ignore my sunburned arms. Thanks to an afternoon of triathlon training and no sunscreen, I am a lobster...